gotta stay motivated

So I am thinking, maybe if i make it public it will have more effect to stick. 170....one hundred seventy pounds. gross. that is how much i weigh after having little miss livi girl. I was down to 165 but I gained 5 of it back on our trip from Washington to Texas with all the fast food we ate, Ive been craving salads so much lately, i am guessing my body had enough of all that crap. well let me tell you 50lbs is what i am gonna have gone by the time mike gets home in about 6 months. its going to be a struggle especially since i have to get my thyroid back in shape, y'all should see my neck its so damn swollen, i need my medicine altered. I am so tired of looking in the mirror and not feeling the slightest big attractive, I used to be confident in my looks, as bad and self centered as it sounds i used to feel people checking me out lol now i feel like they are saying how huge and ugly i am. my self confidence flew out the roof when i had kenzy and i didnt even get stretch marks with her, but man did i get some with Alivia, she made sure to make a statement... she gave me thighs, and ass and a flabby belly to prove that i was pregnant. Although my girls are worth every pound, every stretch mark and every extra blah that i feel im ready to lose them all! i want mike to come home from this deployment and when he gets off the bus i wanna see him looking for his wife and be standing right there in front of him. i really want to WOW the pants off of him. my mom has a treadmill now and since Alivia likes her swing there is no reason i cant start working out. I also gotta learn to tell that cookie jar to take a hike down cookie monsters alley! anyways, i need motivation, i guess when your three year old looks at you with your shirt off and says "mommy cover that up its gross" that should be enough to get my ass moving, but it wasn't, so i think putting it public on how much i weigh will embarrass me enough to lose it. so each month i will blog about my progress and update my weight. thanks for reading my much personal and much embarrassing post.

Good bye SUCKS

This past week has been, in lack of better words sucky! Last Wednesday the 2nd of November, we said good-bye to our sweet pup Callie, i will not go into detail on that but, in our hearts we know it was for the best. Then Michael had to say good-bye to his mom, well more like a see ya in 6mths but still it was an emotional not fun day. Thursday November 10th was a heart breaking, uncontrollable crying day as we dropped Mike off at the airport knowing it will be the last kiss in a long time. having to explain to Mckenzy that daddy was going to work but he will be back in a few months was hard, she kept asking me "but mommy, what about daddy" i think my entire thanksgiving what am i thankful for answer will be SKYPE, it makes me so happy to see my husbands beautiful face, and it just lights my daughters face up to see her daddy. so THANK GOD FOR SKYPE. saying good bye isn't something that mckenzy does often yet it affects her tremendously, just saying bye to a friend leaving she cries, when my brother goes home she cries, and this weekend her AMAZING god parents came for a surprise visit, she soaked it up she was so happy, they left today and it broke her heart. i don't know how to get it across to her that its just temporarily that we will see them again. i hate seeing her cry, i hate saying goodbye to the ones i love, i wish i could have a huge property and everyone live on it. this next six months is going to have its ups and downs but i know i have to pull threw them no matter what, my husband depends on me, my girls depend on me and i depend on myself to make it as happy and buy as i can. there are so many questions that are going to come from my beautiful 3yr old that im going to have a hard time answering such as; "mommy where is daddy, when is he coming home" "mommy where is Callie" "mommy i want daddy, go get my daddy" i have to learn to answer these without crying, i don't want her to see me cry i don't want her to know mommy is sad, but how do i do that? Anyways this is a big horrible grammar rant, but the moral is saying goodbye sucks, weather it be to a friend who you will see tomorrow or your husband who you will see in half a year. it sucks. thanks for reading.